Humbled and Humiliated...

It has been 3 months and 1 week since I my job was "restructured" right out the door of the company I had been with for nearly 8 years. The first month was really rough. The second month was an enjoyable break. The third month has been a big lesson. I really thought that I would have a new job by now.


The fact is, I had a job lined up and without warning it was taken away from me. I have never been so humiliated as I was the morning I got that call. God has been teaching me a big lesson, it's taken me some time to see exactly what I have been learning. I realize now that at least part of the lesson is to learn how to be humble and to live a life of humility. It's not an easy thing to do, especially working in the music industry where everyone wants to be built up to be something bigger than they are. It's easy to get carried away with all the fakeness.

So the question now is - how do I continue to succeed in this business without giving in to all the crap? Maybe I'm not supposed to do this anymore. Maybe I'm supposed to do something that I have absolutely no experience with...

All I know is that I have finally given everything to God. I just pray that I will continue to learn from this experience and that I will continue to follow his direction - even if they take a little longer than what I expected.

A good blogger I am not....

I haven't written a thing on this blog in over a year. I'm ashamed.

I always have the intention of keeping this updated, but for one reason or another it hasn't happened. This particular blog is actually the third in a short line of failed attempts. I need to keep it up, I know it would be good therapy for me.

This failure at following through with written correspondance is nothing new to me. In fact, I probably have 5 or 6 journals that I have begun through the years and then quit after a month or so. I'm not sure why I have such an issue with following through with my blogging/journaling, but I do. I'm going to work on fixing that. I follow through with everything else, why not this?

Perhaps I feel that my writing is not quite up to par with other blogs I read....ok, there is no perhaps to it, it's not up to par. I should be ok with that, but I'm not. In my elementary school days, I loved writing. I would write essays on things I found interesting all of the time, just because. Even if it wasn't an assignment, I would still write something and turn it in to the teacher. I would always get positive feedback with constructive criticism. Then I transitioned into middle school - I think that was my downfall. From that point forward, with the exception of my 8th grade teacher, Mr. Bryan Sweasy, who had us analyze the words of Bob Dylan and other great songwriters (he was my favorite language arts teacher ever...he went on to marry my favorite algebra teacher, Ms. Yates), I had horrible "teachers" who didn't care for my creative writing, but rather focused on all of the grammatical mistakes I made and therefore considered my work subpar. So, I really just stopped trying and for the remainder of my schooling I squeaked by with the minimum amount of words/pages on all of my essays and truly hated writing assignments.

I guess since this is my blog, I can make as many grammatical errors knowing that I'm not being graded. If someone chooses to correct my errors by leaving a comment, I can just delete those comments and be on my merry way.

If I'm being really honest with myself, there might be 1 person who will happen upon these words of mine and I'd be willing to bet, they aren't all that interested in what I have to say. So, I really shouldn't worry at all.....

Right?